Hope for Humanity

Two days ago, I was fretting over a financial situation with my boyfriend. I’m a bit of a worrier. When faced with a crisis I tend to see the terrible end result before letting my mind be logical and thinking through all of my possible options. It’s an issue that I’m trying to work on.

To make a long story short… our little problem has been resolved (with a lot less effort than expected) and we are back to our normal monetary status.

Money. It’s something MOST of us worry about. No matter how much money you are bringing in and how much money your bills add up to… most people I know run into money problems on a regular basis. It stresses us out. It makes us lash out at people. It makes us feel bad, sad, mad, and frustrated.

It seems like there is never enough money. And if there is enough… you bet your ass that you’re working hard for it and you’re sacrificing something to get it, maybe time with your spouse, time with your kids, time for yourself… time. Period. And time is the most precious thing to us. It’s something that no amount of money can buy back.

Right now, in my life, I am holding time far above money. This is what I feel is most beneficial for me. Yes, I stress like crazy about money sometimes but I know that I have a fully functioning vehicle, I’m able to raise my kids every hour of every day, my kids have everything they need and since they’re so young… everything they want.. They’re happy with a few episodes of Dora and some fruit snacks… that I can do! I have a comfortable place to live. My little family has MacBooks, iPhones, gaming systems, an iPad, and all kinds of completely unnecessary fun “toys”.

But I do often feel like I’m lacking something. It may be because of the society that I live in or the family I grew up with. I always need the new thing. I need the name brands. And I never feel like I have enough. I never feel like I am enough.

There is something in my DNA that just won’t allow me to go to Target and buy my daughter those $30 knock off UGG boots. I have to buy her the outrageously priced $120 real, name-brand pair. Even though my kids feet grow like wild and they barely wear shoes for over two months. Target brand, just won’t do. I feel like I’m doing her a disservice as her parent.

My boyfriend and I value brands… which means that without purposefully doing it we will be pushing this value onto our children as we raise them. It’s not really something we can control anymore. I can’t walk into Payless and not feel like a complete failure. To me… what I wear and what I own reflects the person I am.

I’m smart enough to know that my perspective of life is distorted. I’m not living life to enjoy a fulfilling life… I’m living life to portray an image to a society that will judge me. All of the media I consume shapes me as it has shaped society. I have to be accepted because without that acceptance what do I have? I can’t be an outcast in the society in which I live. I don’t have a higher power that will accept me… it’s society that determines my fate. Or so I have come to believe.

I don’t believe in God. It’s not really something I have a choice over… and growing up I always felt like I was wrong for having questions about religion but that’s who I am. My beliefs are based on logic. To me… the Christian and Catholic ideals that I was raised around never seemed logical. It’s a decision that affects me and only me. I don’t knock people for their beliefs because I understand why people believe. Sometimes I wish I could believe in some higher power so that I could feel somehow protected from bad things, but I can’t. So I don’t live my life for God’s acceptance. I live it for society’s acceptance.

Today, I put myself back in perspective. I woke up and Da’Vi and I started getting the kids ready for a trip to great grandma’s house. The kids put on their H&M jeans and sweaters. They wore their cool little Yo! Gabba Gabba Vans and matching beanies. We filled their $20 Gabba back pack with name brand snacks and more name-brand emergency outfits. Da’Vi dressed in his Levi’s, Converse, and whatever else… I put on my Uggs and we made sure to have our RayBan sunglasses and we drove to grandma’s house.

I dropped them off and headed to Dunkin’ Donuts for a much-needed iced coffee. On my way, I pulled up to a stop light and saw a homeless man. He actually looked to be around my age and he was at a car window collecting money, I’m assuming. He was two lanes over and I didn’t have any cash. I always give them money if I can.. because the second I see a homeless person my life always becomes magnificent in my eyes. I tend to see them after getting something superficial done.. like a $45 manicure or pedicure. Or maybe a $100 hair cut and color. Today, that wasn’t the case but I felt like crap for not being able to offer anything.

This happened about 1.5 hours ago and I still can’t get it off my mind. I immediately decided that once we are finished moving this week and are somewhat settled I will be heading to Walmart with a loooong list of stuff to buy to make 10-15 bags for homeless people. (Some people call them Blessings Bags but being nonreligious means I don’t use the word blessing so I’ll call them Hope for Humanity Bags).

With our impending move coming a month ahead of schedule and with neither of us being “traditionally” employed our money is a little tight but I know we wouldn’t think twice about spending this money on something superficial or unnecessary. I already compiled a list of everything they might need that I can financially supply and I’m hoping to have them ready in the next two weeks in time for this Midwest winter that is coming our way.

I can guarantee that every time I come across a person in need of one of these bags it will make me feel like I’m living my life with a meaningful purpose, at least for a few hours. I’m not changing their lives… but hopefully I’m giving them a few moments of hope for a solution to whatever problems they may be facing. Hopefully my children will learn something by participating in this project. Hopefully Da’Vi and myself will learn something by doing this.

All I know is that every time I am able to help out humanity… just a tiny fraction of humanity… it will put my superficial monetary dilemmas into perspective. I hope to gain a true understanding of my purpose. I want to believe that the type of shoes on my feet do not decide the life route in which I will walk in them.

I’m planning a follow-up post in the next couple of weeks with example bags for anyone interested in making their own Hope for Humanity Bags.